WARSAW--A Volkswagen delivery bus explosion
yesterday destroyed its cargo of 20 crates of
premium Kielbasa in the latest round of
understandable German reaction to Poland´s
audacious attempts to preserve its illegal,
oppressive, and probably petroleum-motivated
occupation of German lands.


«We demand that the occupied territories of the
East Bank of the Oder-Niesse and the East Prussia
Strip that were taken by force be restored to the
Federal Republic of Germany,« said a man who
phoned in a claim of responsibility for the
attack. The man claimed to represent the
Alles-Aachen Martyrs Brigades, a coalition of
German activists and freedom fighters.



According to the group´s website, the Brigades
formed after a Polish EU liaison who stopped in
Aachen for lunch last year insisted on Kielbasa
instead of Bratwurst to fill his Frankfurt-style
sandwich. «Bratwurst is Germany´s third most
sacred delicacy, and this Pole´s hotdog was an
insult added to the injury of sub-humans—I mean
Slavs—occupation of our homeland.«



A spokesman for the German Authority, the shadow
government in the occupied East Bank and East
Prussia Strip, held an impromptu press conference
and declared, «We hereby tepidly and with many
winks condemn this attack, which if it was in any
way wrong was the fault of the dirty, stinking
Poles and their oppressive policies.«



Throughout the Western world, the German activists
have acquired a panache fueled by the
neo-multicultural perspective on modern history
held by millions of college-educated activists.



«The Poles are pretty clearly the historical
aggressors in the Middle Europe,« asserted Prell,
a 29-year-old protestor from Fresno who last year
capped a remarkable 10 year undergraduate run by
collecting a B.A. in some social science he can´t
remember. «For the 58 days that I have been
closely following this crisis, the Poles have been
in the position of occupying force.«



Polish efforts to win support in the EU Security
Council for a resolution condemning the
understandable German actions in stemming from
legitimate root causes were stymied by a coalition
led by France. «I don´t know,« said the French
representative. «Collaborating with Germans just
feels right.«



«If the Germans hate them, that´s always been good
enough for us,« concurred a third-world dictator´s
coat holder via satellite telephone. «The Poles
are oppressing the people on occupied territory.«



«We´re not getting involved,« said Sweden´s
ambassador in Warsaw, «except maybe to selectively
posture about human rights or to profitably keep
the Germans awash in iron ore.«



On the news program «Vannity & Doans,« a
high-school dropout Hollywood actress demanded,
«Poland must withdraw from the illegally conquered
lands, abandon its imperialist policies, and
respect the legitimate territorial aspirations of
the peaceful German people. That is the only way
to guarantee peace.«



When someone pointed out that Polish withdrawal
would recreate the Polish Corridor, an
indefensible strip of territory bordered on both
sides by the Germans, the actress appeared to
become constipated, dribbling out vague allusions
to «right-wing hate« and «apartheid,« so Mr.
Vannity invited a German expert to comment.



«Hey, you can never plan too far in advance,« said
the Alles-Aachen apologist.



«German aspirations in the region are realistic,«
added Johan Turleywiliger, a legal scholar with no
relevant background whatsoever but who likes
appearing on TV. «Because, I mean, the USSR was
the creator and guarantor of the disputed
Oder-Niesse frontier, and where are they now?«



Turleywiliger´s remarks caused a kerfuffle in
Moscow. Fumed a spokesman for President Vladimir
Putin: «Who do these people think we are, the
U.S.?«


FrontPageMagazine.com | September 26, 2003